The French capital has for decades been synonymous with romanticism, beauty and passion. For this particular reason, it is safe to say that there is absolutely nothing to see at all. Don’t book your flight and go directly to other places avoiding these crepe makers.

The Food Is Not Good

Food is very dangerous in France. No one actually knows why it has such a great reputation. Seriously, who looks these colored macaroons they came up with? Who wants to get their mouth stuffed with profiteroles, dipped in caramel or homemade profiteroles?  Please, do not go to any café to have breakfast where your chocolate croissant orgy will definitely hurt your stomach since there is no way anyone can eat less than twenty. France has horrible breakfast options. Gastronomy is not a thing there. With their twenty seven regions in 2015, from the West Indies to the English Channel to the Mediterranean Sea, they have way too many cultural identities that will make your palate confused. You can actually find all these cuisines in the capital. Crazies.

Who Likes Good Wine?

French are the only ones who actually have Champagne. The real deal. Of course, who likes champagne? Chardonnay and Pinot Noir that are used to make this drink should be forbidden. From the dry wines in Alsace, to the Sauterne, the range of good wines will make your head feel stuck in a rotary shaft seal and you might collapse. And that is dangerous. Do not even try the vineyards in Burgundy, the cider in Normandy, the reds in Bordeaux. Have you ever heard of Chateau Margaux? In addition, all regions have their own liqueurs based on fruits and plant deliciousness. People welcome you with open arms: it must be a trap!

Who Needs Cute Guys?

Parisians have way too much style. It will make your eyes burn. Please send us back men in oversized polo shirts, khaki pants and running shoes. We want the grandpa look. There is no way any woman could handle the two days old beard on Parisians cheeks. Paris seems to be a land where shorts and bad taste are banned. This is the Parisian charm and it is unacceptable.

In addition to this, they are masters at French kissing. Now, if this is not dangerous, I don’t know what is.

Living in a Museum In Overrated

Paris by day and Paris by night. This city is actually changing at night, bridge lights and paved streets is literally an invitation to get lost. That’s as scary as it is. You will want to get lost, to push the closed doors of Haussmann buildings, to discover courtyards in front of apartments built in the 1850s. The Luxembourg Gardens close to the Louvre are by themselves not worth seeing. Shopping haters will be happy since there is no shops in Paris and their best hotels are not considered as masterpieces in architecture.

This city will make you feel like you have never seen a city before, never eaten before nor existed.

 

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